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"One of my favorite actors of all-time  - Malcolm McDowell." - Bill Maher, host.

| 2/8/02 | 10/25/01 | 6/20/01 | 1/6/97


The Players

Profession Person
Actor Malcolm McDowell
Activist Christine O'Donnell
Actor French Stewart
Activist Niger Innis


Malcolm was promoting Gangster No. 1. He was supposed to be on with Niger Innis on 2/8/02. He was also on PI exactly 1 year earlier on 6/20/01. Musician Dirk Lance was replaced by Christine O'Donnell. Dirk was added to the next days show.


Topics and Malcolm's comments

Who is Padre Pio?

Malcolm: A new saint. When did the guy live? (Stigmata) Show nails in the palm of the hand. You know, you'd have thought that the people of Rome could have come up with some better thing than that. I mean, why not a farmer in the Midwest, for God sakes? Couldn't they have found somebody - an American, for instance, that would have taken all the heat off of...

Malcolm: Where does St. Francis of Assisi come in?

Padre Pio was investigated by the Vatican way back in the day for fraud and sexual wrongdoing.

Malcolm: Of which variety? Young boys, young - what was it? Young girls, my God, he knows.

The Popes aren't infallible but what they write is infallible.

Malcolm: Not everything the say, either, because the Pope has said, you know, about birth control, you know -- Oh, you're opposed to birth control? It's hypocritical. What comics do you read? What on Earth are you talking about? This is the 21st century. Or what are we?

Bill: She needs a little bit of the old in-out, in-out.

Malcolm: In-out, in-out, real horrorshow.

Bill: Liberal, gay - quibbling over semantics.

Malcolm: When you said that word - liberal. The endings of your mouth turned down and you had such contempt on your face. But I don't understand. Why not? Why shouldn't gays get married? Who cares?

Up until the 1200s marriage was all about property and alliances.

Malcolm: Especially when you get divorced.

Christine: Bill, you want to be like Europe where they have three times the domestic violence rate than we do?

Malcolm: Hey, what's wrong with Europe? What are you talking about sweetheart? What is wrong with Europe? We are not Europe. Are you out of your mind? What are you talking about? Backwards? My, God! Admittedly, being backward in this perspective.

French: (Christine) touched me in an inappropriate manner during the break. Right here where my bathing suit covers.

Malcolm: I saw something. I don't know what it was.

Christine: Better not be busting on my man, Bush.

Malcolm: I missed that. What was it? Something about a bush.

Executing the retarded.

Malcolm: Why should they be different? "Liberals."


The Players

Profession Person
Actor Malcolm McDowell
Actor Jack Black
Actor Kyle Gass
Activist Melissa Moskal


Malcolm was supposed to be on with Niger Innis, Bianca Jagger and Andrea Sheldon Lafferty on 2/8. At first it was posted on the official site that Malcolm was moved back to 2/7, Elayne Boosler was added and Bianca was pushed back to 2/19. Later on Malcolm was back on and Jack, Kyle and Melissa, the program director from the Young America's Foundation, were added for 2/7. Then the same lineup was listed for 2/8 and the 2/7 show changed.


Malcolm and Kyle Gass with screen titles
Malcolm smirking wickedly

Malcolm laughing at Jack
Malcolm looking mad

Malcolm really egging on Melissa
Malcolm telling Melissa to hold on


Topics and Malcolm's comments

Topic: Polygamy is a good thing.

Malcolm: "All right, we've got certainly nothing to say after that. Yeah. Jack, you've got something to say, though."

Reverse Polygamy

"They have the gay community taken care of."

The man keeping all his wives.

"No, they look after them, don't they? And the children that they have with that particular woman. That's very selfish. But the thing is, you're not getting divorced. You're just enlarging your family circle. One wife over there, one over there, and the kids, and you're bringing them all in, and you're all watching television together. What could be more pleasant than that?"

Mormons renouncing polygamy and watching the Olympics.

"Some just wouldn't hear that? You know what? Let Utah go. Okay? Let's cut 'em right off. Why do we wanna spend to ski? Who gives a rat's ass? Who wants to ski, anyway? It's cold. It's miserable. You have to stand in all those lines. For two minutes coming down a damn mountain. I mean, oh, come on. I'm switching my TV off for the next 2 1/2 weeks. I don't wanna see it. What about you, Jack?"

Middle age people not having sex.

"Speak for yourself. Ha Ha thank you. Real horrorshow!"

Busting on Jack.

"OK, well, nod your head 'cause that looks like it's in agreement. There you go. I think he thought..."

Polygamy again.

"Maybe it's easier with a big group. You know, I only say that because this guy that they put in prison in Utah only a few months ago...They put him in prison, which I thought was a bum rap. Come on, let the guy and all the wives and ex-wives and the children were begging the judge not to put him away because they wanted the poor guy there with 'em. Good. Thank you very much. Am I making your point, or are you making mine?"

Joe Smith's power.

"I think he was good at bridge."

L. Ron Hubbard's power to...

"Take your money right off you."

Busting on Jack - part 2.

"Are you gonna stay? Well, take your coat off if you're staying. This is a jacket. Jack I'm sorry I apologize."

Mormons and Salt Lake City

"But they don't believe in birth control, do they? I have been there. A pleasant place, Salt Lake City, actually, is a very pleasant place. But I kept asking the very pleasant driver that I had, 'Where is downtown?' 'Well, this is downtown.' 'Oh. Thank you.' "

Maher :"I'm not a religious person and I don't believe..." MM: "I'm not either...organized religion."

Mormons trying to convert you in heaven.

"Okay, well, they got me then. And yet...a conversation and we enjoy it."

Al Gore 2004.

"Don't you get this, like, supercilious smile over here from this conservative here (Melissa)? Well, maybe we should put him out there to be the sacrificial lamb. You're talking about a man who won the popular vote. So did his father after...Do you think the country really wants to go through that again? If this damned election goes on for 18 months, you want to see Al Gore again for that amount of time?"

Bush and the war.

"And he handled it very well. He handled himself. It's still going on, isn't it (sarcastic)? They don't want the war to end, believe me. Like what? Like what? Right. To stop 5,000 Taliban, you mean, that war, that big war? If it had been Al Gore, his ratings would be in the 90%."

Busting on Melissa.

"You don't know about that because you are a big conservative, and you, let me tell you this. No, you indoctrinate children. You told me. I asked you what you did. You indoctrinate children into the conservative party, the conservative cause. I am in shock I'm even sitting down here with you. Ooh! This is good. Come on."

My Review

    I was quite excited to find out Malcolm was going to be on again. This is the only late night show he has been consistently doing and it is great to see him somewhat regularly. I don't know what they were smoking on the PI website with all the changes going on with the listings. At first I was upset to think I missed him, but I kept and eye on it and found out he was on according to plan. See the above notes for all the changes. Ironically Malcolm was there to promote Firestarter once again, since it was pushed back three months. I wonder if the Sci-Fi network wanted him to promote it again? I think Malcolm just likes doing the show and is looking for a reason to do it.
    This one was the worst of the recent three episodes he has done because Bill started about the Olympics, then went to the Mormons and then went on about polygamy and how it is  such a great thing. This went on for around 5 minutes without anyone getting a chance to say anything, which means 1/4 the show was wasted. They really need to make this show an hour, scrap half the guests, or scrap Bill's jokes because there is no way to really get into anything with 5 people speaking in the 20 minutes the show is on.
    Malcolm sat on Bill's right side for this first time as he usually sits on the left. The panel was a little off because they had three actors when they usually have people from all different fields. Jack Black seemed quite spaced out, like he was high. At one point he was just trying to nod his head and got caught for a comment when he really didn't want to make one and Malcolm was busting on him for it it. He told him to make it look like he agrees instead of disagrees with something if he doesn't want to get called out on it. At one point Malcolm told him it was rude to wear a winter coat and he should take it off and when he tried he put his hand in Melissa's drink and spilled it on her. Malcolm talked to him like he had worked with him before, but they haven't, so he just must like him.
    Malcolm had a black shirt and black sport jacket, brown pants and dress shoes. he looked very different from his last appearance. At one point Bill was kidding him for still giving the "old in-out, in-out" and Malcolm said "horrorshow". It was fun to hear him talking like Alex again.
    Malcolm looked like he was having fun as usual, but I was surprised he didn't give Bill a hard time like last time. Bill is known for being in his mid 40s and never being married and not having kids and when Bill was going on and on about polygamy, there was plenty of room for Malcolm to bust on him. I wonder if Bill said anything about not ranking on him before hand? And when Bill was going on about men leaving their wives when they get older I was wondering if he was thinking of Malcolm or was going to bust on him, but he didn't say anything and Malcolm didn't comment. It would've been interesting, but I wasn't surprised that Malcolm didn't go there because he rarely does. When Malcolm starts to get that wicked look in his eye when he gives someone a hard time you can really see the youthful energy there. If he didn't have the white hair he would look much, much younger.
    I wonder if anything was said and cut out? It would be fun to find out becasue I can't imagine them taping for only 20 mintues. Kyle barely said anything and seemed happy to just sit back and watch. Melissa is supposed to be a regular guest and it seems like there is always a token female on the show, but she didn't really say much either.  Right at the end Malcolm was busting Melissa about her organization because Malcolm hadn't heard of it and she explained it to him before the show. She started to get embarrassed because she wasn't prepared for him to bring it up and she told him her group made sure children didn't grow up as little commies and Malcolm was aghast and said, "Now it is getting good!" From comments Asma made about the last time he was on, I am sure he was just busting on her like he loves to do, but she didn't know it. Then bam! A commercial, and it is over!?

Rating 7/10


The Players

Profession Person
Actor Malcolm McDowell
Author Asma Hasan
Radio Host Doug McIntyre
Journalist Giselle Fernandez


Alec Baldwin was scheduled to appear, but wasn't on. Asma Hasan author of "American Muslims" and Giselle were added. This was the 2nd time in a row he was placed next to a young author. He seemed pissed off, but had a good time. He was there to promote Firestarter on the sci-fi channel. He sat in the same spot as last time. Giselle was across from him and Doug next to her. He had a light beard, black leather jacket, black sweater, light blue shirt underneath, blue jeans and brown leather shoes.


Click on both pictures below to hear the corresponding line from the show.

Malcolm during introduction
Malcolm talking to Asma


In case you haven't seen the show this is how it goes. The host reads a current topic and lets the guests sound off with their thoughts and he also gives his opinion. I transcribed all of Malcolm's responses to the topics.

Opening comments on fear.

Malcolm "Like the congress? Head for cover."

Topic - The government put out an ad looking for ideas to fight terrorism.

"You don't put in the newspaper 'can anybody give us ideas?', how ridiculous is that excuse me? I'm not saying the administration. Look, Bush as far as I am concerned is our president, we're in crisis, we're standing behind him, all of us. We're right there behind the man. But let's please not put out these dumb things. Honestly that can scare people. It's not good to say 'everybody get back to normal, everybody get back on jets', but as soon as this anthrax thing happens let's pack up the congress and go home. Woah!"

"Could this be a way to get rid of junk mail is all I want to know? I think we should lace all junk mail with anthrax, maybe that's a way to get rid of it?" (biggest laugh of the night)

"I do think honestly that we in America are rather nave about things like terrorism or were naive. Because people in Europe, especially in England where I was from (now paying a lot of American taxes). Having lived under IRA bomb threats for most of my life you kind of get a sixth sense where to go, what to do. The thing is, I was brought up with it, so when this happens here I am amazed that Americans say 'why do people hate us?' Because you are #1. We want to feel confident. Look, did Winston Churchill know what the hell he was talking about in World War II? Probably not. I'll tell you I think Bush has done a remarkably good job. I think that the speech he gave was absolutely remarkable and reassuring."

Topic - Ramadan starts Nov 17 - and fighting or not?

"Do you have presents and the whole thing, do you have a tree? When is the end of it? (Dec 6) So it's a long holiday? Wow."

"What about the First World War though? They did pause for Christmas to celebrate, came out of the trenches with a bottle of nice German beer and they shared it. Then they shot each other in the back. What do you think?"

"And the terrorists are going to stop and lay down their arms? That is why they bombed the World Trade Center. That is exactly what they did it. Wake up and smell the coffee (to Giselle). I'm sorry, you can't go around with high ideals here. They are murderers."

Topic - Burying the terrorists against their religion to discourage them (facing west, with booze and a dead hooker).

"Bill, that's a great idea, I would send it in to the government." (Mocking the opening topic which got laughs.)

A mention of women weren't allowed to own property in England.

"No, Elizabeth the first owned it all."

My Review

    This episode was certainly a surprise as Malcolm wasn't really promoting anything. Maher only mentioned Firestarter which is weird since that won't be on for almost 2 months. I thought they would mention his New York appearance since that is only 2 weeks away.. There was no mention about what happened to Alec Baldwin, but who cares? The show differed from last time. There was no Maher monologue or jokes in between, probably since the terrorist attacks it isn't wise for him to make fun of Bush and the government. Also the guests didn't have to walk out on stage which saves time.
    Malcolm sounded bitter right away with his comments about the congress which he mentioned again soon after. In case you didn't know, last week the US Congress shut down for the first time ever because of anthrax fears. Some people have criticized them for this because they are telling the population to go to work and go on with your lives while they do just the opposite. After he got that off his chest he seemed to enjoy himself more.
    This was also the first time that he really officially called himself an American. Before he would call himself Americanized, but this time he was like "Bush as far as I am concerned is our president...WE stand..." Maybe now he will become a citizen of the United States. This would also explain his anger as it is something all Americans have felt in varying degrees since September 11th. It seems like he has had a change of heart about the country as many of us had who took freedom for granted. It was also interesting to hear him talk about terrorism growing up as this is something he has never discussed before. This time he conflicted with Giselle who is a liberal democrat and when she got too bleeding heart he let loose on her a bit and she backed down, not saying anything harsh about him.
    Like last time I feel the show is way too short and when you read the transcription I did above you can see he didn't get a chance to say much. Each person really gets around 4 minutes or less. I was glad to hear Malcolm's thoughts on September 11th and would have enjoyed to hear more of his thoughts on it like wear he was when it happened, etc. I also liked what Maher said about Malcolm being one of his all-time favorite actors which made my respect for him go up a notch.

Rating 9/10

Behind the Scenes

Here is some BTS info thanks to Asma who was on the show.

    I just wanted to tell you that Mr. McDowell was genuinely nice and friendly. During the breaks, he and I chatted the entire time about a variety of things. He was the nicest celebrity I've ever met, next to Mike Myers (whom I met years ago). My brother came with me and brought the ACO DVD which Mr. McDowell was more than happy to sign. He seemed excited to sign the DVD and talked with my brother about filmmaking (my brother is a student filmmaker).
    During one of the breaks, he apologized to Giselle for coming across like he was yelling at her and then told all of us that he was hamming it up for the camera. He generally seemed like a low-key, eccentric person and I look forward to meeting him on another occasion.
Just before the show started I asked Malcolm his wife was and her artwork were doing. He looked at me stunned, asking if I knew his wife. I said no, to which he said, how did I know his wife was an artist. So I told him I read his bio on the Internet, to which he responded, "They have that on the Internet!?" He was quite surprised.
    FYI, Giselle is an extremely nice person also as well as the other guest Doug McIntyre. I was told by the producers that Alec Baldwin's shooting schedule for a movie he is making was too hectic to squeeze in the appearance. He did end up being on PI a few weeks later with another friend of mine who is also a Muslim. Giselle was the fill-in for Alec, she used to work for NBC and Access Hollywood and now does the morning show in LA on KTLA. The PI producers told me that our show went really well because everyone on the panel for that show was so intelligent. So the show didn't de-evolve into the usual rabble-rousing it is known for.
    I had a terrific experience myself and would do the show again in a heartbeat In case you or your readers want to know more about me or my book, you can visit my website at: www.asmahasan.com
    Well I enjoyed your site and felt compelled to write. I really liked your opening story about how ACO has changed your life in so many ways over the years. I really had no idea that the movie had such an effect.

Part 2

    I asked my brother what Malcolm said to him as I was busy being made up and pre-interviewed. I arrived late so I didn't chill with Malcolm beforehand like my brother did. He  said that Malcolm told him that it's very important to be a good writer and that if a script is good, it's impossible to turn down. My brother Ali also added, "He's very affable and talkative. He listened to every question I asked and gave a good answer to each one, particularly the film ones." Also adds that when he presented Malcolm with the ACO DVD that Malcolm was very happy to see the DVD and to sign it and that he showed a humble pride for the movie with his actions, smile, and attitude about signing it. Ali came away with a clear sense that Malcolm is proud of his work in it and the effect ACO has had. During the breaks, Malcolm asked me where my parents emigrated from, and I told him that they came from Pakistan. So he asked about the food there, I think, and that many Pakistanis live in England. During another break, one that came after I spoke for a long time on the taping, Malcolm said, "Boy, you just don't stop talking, do you?" 
    Also, during another break, the producers came and told us that the next question/discussion topic would be about the Taliban's treatment of women. So Malcolm turned to me and said, "That's all yours." He also said that he was playing up his bravado/anger for the camera a bit. All in all, a lovely time. At the end of the show, a producer took a picture of all the guests with Bill, the host. I thought they were going to send us a copy, but I haven't received it yet though they did send me a videotape copy of the show. Actually, as we were posing for the shot, Malcolm was going to be standing next to Bill, and Bill was putting his arm around Malcolm for the photo. So then Malcolm turned to me and waved me next to Bill, I guess the idea being that women should stand next to men and so on. I found this charming and old world. Nobody does things like that anymore...except for Malcolm, I guess! 
    Surprisingly, I've never seen ACO. I always am about to, and then someone warns me against it. I think I should though because after reading what you wrote, it is obviously a significant movie. People have the same negative attitude about Islam often, so I shouldn't fall victim to it for a movie either!

Miss Asma Gull Hasan
Author: American Muslims: The New Generation


The Players

Profession Person
Actor Malcolm McDowell
Author Jay McGraw 
Radio Host Bob Larson
Actress Shelley Long


    This was Malcolm's 2nd time on the show after a 4 year absence and his first US talk show appearance in nearly 3 years. He was in Los Angeles for his Tribute which starts the next day. The show is hosted by comedian/failed actor Bill Maher (Cannibal Women  in the Avacado Jungle of Death). The show airs on ABC and has been on since 1994.


Malcolm shaking hands with Maher
Malcolm impressed that Jay wrote a book at such a young age

Malcolm and Jay with screen titles

Malcolm asking Maher how many kids he has


      If you have never seen the show this is how it goes. Maher sits facing the audience and two guests sit on each side of him facing each other he throws out a topic and the guests give their views. 
    Malcolm and 21 year old author Jay McGraw (Life Strategies for Teens) were on his left. Shelley Long (Diane from Cheers) and Christian conservative author Bob Larson (Shock Talk) were on his right. Maher started off about how the news has been show clips of graduations and how so many of the kids were on cell phones with their parents while they were graduating. He was saying how you could read "I love you." on some of there lips, this is where the topic stayed throughout the show. Maher was saying how those words have lost meaning and about parents and kids saying they love each other. He said I love you was the equivalent to have a nice day. Malcolm was quick to agree. "now that is something I hate. When people tell me to have a nice day I tell them 'No I won't." This got a big laugh. Shelley asked him if he then went out and had a miserable day. "No, I have a great day by telling those people off."  Since Jay was the youngest and wrote a book about the parent child relationships he went first. His view was that generally parents either told their kids that they loved them too much or not enough. He felt it was better for them too say it too much, but the ideal solution is a balance. Malcolm countered with, "My parents never told me they loved me and look how I turned out." This got some big laughs obviously playing to his "bad guy role" image. Malcolm agreed with Jay because he explained that the British people never said it and when Maher said that was good Malcolm asked him how many children he had.
    "None that I know of", he replied. Malcolm told him that he didn't know what it was like to be a parent and how you have to tell you kids that you support them. Shelly Long agreed about telling your kids how you felt. She said you can never tell them too much. "I just realized I'm the only woman here. I better get busy." she then said. Maher asked how she was going to do that? She then said, "My point is.." "What is your point?" Malcolm said busting on her.
    Larson's point was how there was no respect anymore and how children weren't honoring their parents and they weren't treating each other with respect. Maher said parents and kids aren't on the same level, they are in charge. Shelly started to repeat about never telling you kids too much that you loved them and Malcolm said, "You did say that already, so let him talk (pointing to Jay)."
    Jay was agreeing with Maher when Malcolm interrupted, "You are agreeing with him? I thought you were a bright young man. What is this book about that you wrote, I'll have to read it." Jay went into how you have to train you parents. Maher and Larson didn't agree to about that. Malcolm said, "I can't relate to this. I was never told I love you and never hugged when growing up. I forced to try harder to be someone to prove myself. When I got to America everyone was saying I love you. When I called my mother I decided to try it. 'Hi mum, I love you.' There was a long pause and she started saying 'The kettle is boiling I have to our the tea." Shelly asked if he had her trained now. No way he told her, not possible.
    The only other topic touched on was related to the first part. It was about how rude society has become and why is that. Bob went on about how people have lost touch and don't feel threatened. They don't respect god, each other, etc." Malcolm was getting pissed, "Is this guy for real? This is total crap." Obviously he hit a sore spot by spouting his Christian believes. No angry debate followed and Malcolm didn't really elaborate why he was sore with him. It seemed he didn't like it when people used god as what was wrong with the world. Jay kept trying to speak and Bob would interrupt him, "See, you are being rude he said." At first it seemed like Jay was kidding, but by the third time he did seemed pissed. Malcolm and Jay bonded and even gave a high five at one point.  Jay was saying the ways to deal with rudeness. "Obviously Malcolm gives it right back." "Oh, yes, and it makes me happy to do it." He told them. Then it went to discipline and corporal punishment.
    Malcolm told  them, "I used to get beaten every Tuesday night...and look how I turned out. Besides you Americans complain too much, you don't even know what rude is. You want rude? Try Paris." More laughs and not much happened after that.

My Review

    It was good to see Malcolm just speaking his mind. He looked very comfortable and relaxed and wore a casual outfit. He was looking a bit old, but still looked good. He seemed to genuinely like Jay and Jay was really touchy feely with him and Malcolm didn't seem to mind. He seemed to have a really good time and had no problem making fun of himself by saying a few times "Look at how I turned out." He gets along with Maher fine and seems to delight in giving him a hard time. He also got along with Shelley and since they are both parents they would generally agree on most points.
    On the other hand it seemed he didn't like Larson at all. I first heard of Larson in 1988 when he traveled with the band Slayer to see if they were Satanists. It was an interesting article and while I hate that kind of religious attitude he seemed real and concluded that Slayer were just regular people and it was all an image thing. I think it could've gotten ugly if Larson went after Malcolm, but he seemed to back down preferring not to have a confrontation.
    It was a fun show and I really enjoyed Malcolm and hearing and seeing him on the talk show format. It has been way too long and I don't think Letterman or Leno are ever going to wake up any time soon and have him on. My biggest complaint was that it was way too short, only around 20 minutes without commercials, it easily could've been an hour show. The other annoying part was when they came back from commercials they would show a joke from Maher's monologue. The show doesn't need a monologue, it doesn't even need Maher there, but he can't see that.

Rating 9/10


I haven't seen this show yet.

This page 2001-08 Alex D. Thrawn for www.MalcolmMcDowell.net