This is taken directly from the film by me. Grammar is taken from the scriptbook.

Alex: (V.O) There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie and Dim and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova Milkbar sold milk plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

Tramp: In Dublin's fair city, where the girls are so pretty,
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone.
As she wheeled her wheelbarrow
Through streets broad and narrow
Crying cockles and mussels alive alive O...

Alex: (V.O) One thing I could never stand was to see a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blerp, blerp in between, as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was.

Tramp: Can ya spare some cutter, me brothers? Oh, ohh!! Go on, do me in, you bastard cowards. I don't want to live anyway...not in a stinking world like this.

Alex: Oh...and what's so stinking about it?

Tramp: It's a stinking world because there's no law and order any more. It's a stinking world because it lets the young get onto the old like you done.'s no world for an old man any longer. What sort of a world is it at all? Men on the moon, and men spinning around the earth, and there's not no attention paid to earthly law and order no more. Oh dear land, I fought for thee and brought...

Billyboy: Right, get her clothes off.

Alex (V.O): It was around by the derelict casino that we came across Billyboy and his four droogs. They were getting ready to perform a little of the old in-out, in-out on a weepy young devotchka they had there.
Ho, Ho, Ho. Well if it isn't fat stinking Billy Goat Billyboy in poison. How are thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if you have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou.

Billyboy: Let's get 'em, boys.

Alex: The police...come on, let's go!
(V.O): The Durango 95 purred away real horrorshow - a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts. Soon, it was trees and dark, my brothers, with real country dark. We fillied around for a while with other travelers of the night, playing hogs of the road. Then we headed west. What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultra-violent.

Mr. Alexander: Who on earth could that be?

Mrs. Alexander: I'll go and see. Yes? Who is it?

Alex: Excuse me, missus...can you please help us? There's been a terrible accident. My friend's in the middle of the road bleeding to death. Can I please use your telephone for an ambulance?

Mrs. Alexander: I'm sorry but we don't have a telephone. You'll have to go somewhere else.

Alex: But, missus it's a matter of life and death.

Mr. Alexander: Who is it dear?

Mrs. Alexander: There's a young man here he says there's been an accident. He wants to use the telephone.

Mr. Alexander: Well I suppose you'd better let him in.

Mrs. Alexander: Well, wait a minute will you? I'm sorry but we don't usually let people in, in the middle of...

Alex: Right, Pete check the rest of the house. Dim.

I'm singin' in the rain.
Just singin' in the rain.
What a glorious feeling I'm happy again.
I'm laughin' at clouds, so dark up above.
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love.
Let the stormy clouds chase, everyone from the place.
Come on with the rain, I've a smile on my face.
I'll walk down the lane, with a happy refrain.
And I'm singin', just singin' in the rain.
Doobi-doob doobi-doob doobi-do doobi do do doobi-doob, doobi doobi do

Dim: He's singin' in the rain.

Alex: Just singin' in the rain...

Dim: In the rain.

Alex: What a glorious feeling.

Dim: Feeling.

Alex: And, I'm happy again. I'm laughing at clouds...

Dim: Clouds.

Alex: So dark up above, the sun's in my heart...

Dim: The sun's in my heart.

Alex: And I'm ready for love.

Dim: Ready for love.

Alex: Let the stormy clouds chase.

Dim: Ready for love.

Alex: Everyone from the place. Come on with the rain, I've a smile on my face.

Dim: Ready for love.

Alex: I'll walk down the lane with a happy refrain...I am singin', just singin' in the rain Viddy well little brother, Viddy well.
We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it having been an evening of some small energy expenditure, o my brothers. So we got rid of the auto and stopped off at the Korova for a nightcap.

Dim: Hello Lucy. Had a busy night? We've been working hard too. Pardon me Luce.

Alex (V.O): There was some sophistos from the T.V. Studios around the corner, laughing and govoreeting. The devotchka was smecking away and not caring about the wicked world one bit. Then the disk on the stereo twanged off and out and in the short silence before the next one came on she suddenly came with a burst of singing. It was like for a moment, o my brothers, some great bird had flown into the milkbar and I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise and the shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again. Because I knew what she sang. It was a bit of the glorious 9th, by Ludwig Van.

Dim: (Rasberry) What did you do that for?

Alex: For being a bastard with no manners and not a dook of an idea about how to comport yourself publicwise, o my brother.

Dim: I don't like you should do what you done and I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be.

Alex: Watch that. Do watch that o Dim, if to continue to be on live thou dost wish.

Dim: Yarbles, great bouncy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain, or nozh, or britva, I'll not having you aiming tolchoks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it.

Alex: A nozh scrap any time you say.

Dim: Doobidoob. A bit tired maybe, best not to say more. Bedways is rigthtways now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Righty, right?

Pete + Georgie: Righty, right.

Alex: Right, right.
(V.O.) Where I lived was with my Dada and Mum in municipal flat block 18-A Linear North. It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now to give it the perfect ending was a bit of the old Ludwig Van. Oh bliss, bliss and heaven. Oh it was gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest spun heaven metal, or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship gravity all nonsense now as I slooshied I knew such lovely pictures.

Em: Alex, Alex...Alex...Alex.

Alex: What do you want?

Em: It's past eight Alex, you don't want to be late for school son.

Alex: Bit of a pain in the gulliver, Mum. Leave us be, and I'll try and sleep it off. And then I'll be as right as dodgers for this after.

Em: But you've not been to school all week, son.

Alex: Got to rest, Mum. Got to get fit, otherwise I'm liable to miss a lot more school.

Em: All right, I'll put your breakfast in the oven. I've got to be off myself now.

Alex: Alright, Mum, have a nice day at the factory.

Em: He's not feeling too good again this morning, dad.

Pee: Yes, yes I heard. Do you know what time he got in last night?

Em: No, I don't love. I'd taken my sleepers.

Pee: I wonder...where exactly is it he goes to work of evenings?

Em: Well, like he says. It's mostly odd jobs he does...helping like here and there as it might be.

Alex: Hi, hi, hi, Mr. Deltoid. Funny surprise seeing you here.

Mr. Deltoid: Well, Alex boy, awake at last, yesss? I met your mother on the way to work, yesss? She gave me the key. She said something about a pain somewhere, hence not at school, yesss?

Alex: A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother sir. I think it should be clear by this afterlunch.

Mr. Deltoid: Or certainly by this evening, yes? The evening's the great time, isn't it Alex boy, hmmm?

Alex: A cup of the old chai, sir?

Mr. Deltoid: No time, no time, yes? Sit, sit, sit.

Alex: To what do I owe this extreme pleasure, sir? Anything wrong, sir?

Mr. Deltoid: Wrong? Why should you think of anything being wrong? Have you been doing something you shouldn't, yes?

Alex: Just a manner of speech, sir.

Mr. Deltoid: Yes, well it is just a manner of speech from your post corrective advisor to you, that you watch out little Alex. Because next time it's not going to be the corrective school any more. Next time it's going to be the Barry place with all my work ruined. If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me, who's sweated over you. A big black mark I tell you for every one we don't reclaim. A confession of failure for every one of you who ends up in the stripy hole.

Alex: I've been doing nothing I shouldn't, sir. The millicents have nothing on me, brother.
Sir, I mean.

Mr. Deltoid: Cut out all this clever talk about millicents. Just because the police haven't picked you up lately doesn't, as you very well know, mean that you haven't been up to some nastiness. There was a bit of a nastiness last night, yess? Some very extreme nastiness, yess? A few of a certain Billy Boy's friends were ambulanced off late, yess? Your name was mentioned, the word has got through to me by the usual channels. Certain friends of yours were named also. Oh, nobody can prove anything about anybody as usual but I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself.

What gets into you all? We studied the problem, we've been studying it for damn well near a century, yes. But we get no farther with all our studies. You've got a good home here, good loving parents, you've got not too bad of a brain. Is it some devil that crawls inside of you?

Alex: Nobody's got anything on me, brother, sir. I've been out of the rookers of the millicents for a long time now.

Mr. Deltoid: That's just worries me. A bit too long to be safe. You're about due now by my reckoning, that's why I'm warning you, little Alex, to keep your handsome young proboscis out of the dirt. Do I make myself clear? 

Alex: As an unmuddied lake sir. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, sir. Excuse me brother, I ordered this two weeks ago can you see if its arrived yet please.

Clerk: Just a minute.

Alex: Pardon me ladies. Enjoying that are you my darling? Bit cold and pointless isn't it my lovely. What's happened to yours, my little sister?

Marty: Who you gettin' bratty? Goggly Googol? Johnny Zhivago? The Heaven 17?

Alex: What you got back home little sister to play your fuzzy warbles on? I bet you got little save pitiful portable picnic players. Come with uncle and hear all proper. Hear angel trumpets and devil trombones. You are invited.

Hi, hi, hi there.

Droogs: Well Hello!

Dim: He are here, he has arrived, hooray.

Alex: Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?

Georgie: We got worried, there we were awaiting and drinking away at the old knifey Moloko and you had not turned up. And we thought you might have been like offended by something or other so around we come to your abode.

Alex: Appy-polly-loggies. I had something of a pain in the gulliver so had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for wakening.

Dim: Sorry about the pain. Using the gulliver too much like? Maybe giving orders and discipline and such perhaps. You sure the pain is gone? You sure you'd not be happier back in bed?

Alex: Lets get things nice and sparkling clear. This sarcasm, if I may call it such, does not become you, o my little brothers. As I am your droog and leader I am entitled to know what goes on eh? Now then, Dim. What does that great big horsy gape of a grin portend?

Georgie: All right, no more picking on Dim, brother. That's part of the new way.

Alex: New way? What's this about a new way? There's been some very large talk behind my sleeping back, and no error.

Gerogie: Well, if you must have it, have it then. We go around shopcrasting and the like coming out with a pitiful rooker full of money each

Dim: Pitiful rookerfull.

Georgie: And there's Will the English at the Muscleman Coffee Mesto saying he can fence anything that any malchick tries to crast. The shiny stuff. The Ice. The big, big, big, monies available is what Will the English says.

Dim: Big, big Money.

Alex: And what will you do with the big, big, big, money? Have you not everything you need? If you need a motorcar you pluck it from the trees. If you need pretty polly you take it.

Gerogie: Brother, you think and talk sometimes like a little child.

Dim: Little child, yes.

Georgie: Tonight we pull a mansize crast.

Dim: Tonight's a mansize crast.

Alex: Good. Real horrorshow. Initiative comes to thems who wait. I've taught you much my little droogies. Now tell me what you had in mind, Georgie boy.

Gerogie: Oh, the old Moloko plus first. Would you not say?

Dim: Moloko plus.

Georgie: Something to sharpen us up.

Dim: Get some of that down you...some of the Moloko plus.

Georgie: But you especially, we have the start.

Dim: Yeah, you've got to have some first because we've got a start on you. Yeah...Moloko plus, yeah.

Alex (V.O):
As we walked along the flatblock marina, I was calm on the outside but thinking all the time. So now it was to be Georgie the general saying what we should do and what not to do and Dim as his mindless, grinning bulldog. But suddenly I viddied that thinking was for the gloopy ones and that the oomny ones used like inspiration and what Bog sends. For now, it was lovely music that came to my aid. There was a window open with the stereo on and I viddied right at once what to do.

I had not cut into any of Dim's main cables and so with the help of a clean tashtook the red, red kroovy soon stopped and it did not take long to quiet the two wounded soldiers, down in the snug of the Duke of New York. Now they knew who was master and leader. Sheep, thought I, but a real leader knows, always when like to give and show generous to his unders. Well, now we're back to where we were, yes? Just like before and all forgotten? Righty, right? right?

Pete: Right.

Dim: Right.

Georgie: Right.

Alex: Well Georgie boy, this idea of yours for tonight, tell us all about it thou.

Georgie: Not tonight, not this nochy.

Alex: Come, come, come Georgie boy. You're a big strong chelloveck, like us all. We're not little children, are we Georgie boy? What then, didst thou in thy mind have?

Georgie: It's this health farm, a bit out of the town, isolated. It's owned by this like very rich ptitsa that lives there with her cats. The place is shut down for a week and she's completely on her own. And it's full up with like gold and silver and like jewels.

Alex: Tell me more Georgie boy, tell me more.

Cat Lady: Oh shit. Who's there?

Alex (O.S.): Excuse me misses can you please help? There's been a terrible accident. Can I please use your telephone for an ambulance?

Cat Lady: I'm frightfully sorry, there's a telephone in the public phone about a mile down the road, I suggest you use that.

Alex (O.S.): But misses this is an emergency, it's a matter of life and death. My friend's lying in the middle of the road, bleeding to death.

Cat Lady: Well, I'm very sorry, but I never open the door to strangers after dark.

Alex (O.S.): Very well, madam. I suppose you can't be blamed for being suspicious with so many scoundrels and rouges of the night about. I'll try to get help at the pub then. Sorry if I disturbed you. Thank you very much. Good night.

Dim, bend down. I'm going to get in that window and open the front door.

Cat Lady: Hullo. Radlett police station.

Police: Yes.

Cat Lady: Good evening, it's Miss Wethers at Woodmere Health farm.

Police: Good evening, madam.

Cat Lady: Look I'm frightfully sorry to bother you, but something rather odd has just happened. Well, it's probably nothing at all, but you never know.

Police: You'd better tell me about it anyway?

Catlady: Well, a young man rang the bell asking to use the telephone. He said there's been some kind of an accident. Well, the thing that caught my attention was what he said. The words he used sounded very much like what was quoted in the papers this morning in connection with the writer and his wife who were assaulted last night.

Police: When did this all take place, madam?

Cat Lady: Just a few minutes ago.

Police: Well, I think we'd better send a patrol car round to have a look around.

Cat Lady: Well, if you think that's necessary, but I'm quite sure he's gone now.

Police: It'll be there in a few minutes.

Cat Lady: Oh, alright, fine, thank you very much. Thank you.


Alex: Hi, hi, hi there. At last we meet. Our brief govereet through the letter-hole was not, shall
we say, satisfactory, yes?

Cat Lady: Who are you? How the hell did you get in here? What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?

Alex: Naughty, naughty, naughty you filthy old soomaka.

Cat Lady: Now listen here, you little bastard. Just turn around and walk out of here the same way as you came in. Leave that alone! Don't touch it! It's a very important work of art. Well, what the bloody hell do you want?

Alex: Well, to be perfectly honest, madam, I'm taking part in and international students' contest to see who can get the most points for selling magazines.

Cat Lady: Cut the shit, sonny and get out of here, before you get yourself into some very serious trouble. I told you to leave that alone, now get out of here before I throw you out, wretched slummy bastard, I'll teach you to break into real peoples houses.

Alex: Come on, let's go. The police are coming.

Dim: One minoota droogie.

Alex: I'm blind, you bastards! I'm blind! I'm blind, you bastards! I can't see. O, you bastards I'm blind! 
It's no good sitting there in hope, my little brothers. I won't say a single solitary slovo unless I have my lawyer here. I know the law, you bastards.

Inspector: Righty, right, Tom. We'll have to show our little friend Alex here that we know the law too, but that knowing the law isn't everything.

Fatneck: Nasty cut you've got there, little Alex. spoils all your beauty. Who gave you that then, eh? How'd you do that then?

Alex: What was that for, you bastard?

Fatneck: That is for your lady victim, you ghastly wretched scoundrel.

Inspector: You rotten bastard.

Sergeant: Good evening Mr. Deltoid.

Mr. Deltoid: Good evening Sergeant.

Sergeant: They're in room B, sir.

Mr. Deltoid: Thank you very much.

Inspector: Sergeant. Ahh, good evening Mr. Deltoid.

Mr. Deltoid: Good evening, inspector.

Sergeant: Would you like your tea now, sir?

Inspector: No thank you, Sergeant. We'll have it later. May I have some paper towels?

Sergeant: Yes, Sir.

Inspector: We're interrogating the prisoner now. Perhaps you'd care to come inside? Thank you very much.

Mr. Deltoid: Evening, Sergeant. Evening all. Dear, dear. This boy does look a mess, doesn't he? Just look at the state of him.

Fatneck: Love's young nightmare like.

Inspector: Violence makes violence. He resisted his lawful arrestors.

Mr. Deltoid: This is the end of the line for me, the end of the line, yes.

Alex: It wasn't me brother, sir. Speak up for me, sir, for I'm not so bad. I was led on by the treachery of the others, sir.

Fatneck: Sings the roof off lovely, he does that.

Alex: Where are my stinking traitorous droogs? Get them before the get away. It was all their idea, brothers. They forced me to do it. I'm innocent.

Mr. Deltoid: You are now a murderer, little Alex. A murderer.

Alex: It's not true, sir. It was only a slight tolchock, she was breathing, I swear it.

Mr. Deltoid: I've just come from the hospital. Your victim has died.

Alex: You try to frighten me, admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture, say it, brother, sir.

Mr. Deltoid: It will be your own torture. I hope to God it will torture you to madness.

Fatneck: If you'd care to give him a bash in the chops, sir, don't mind us. We'll hold him down. He must be a great disappointment to you, sir.

Alex (V.O): This is the real weepy and like tragic part of the story beginning, o my brothers and only friends. After a trial with judge and a jury and some very hard words spoken against your friend and humble narrator. He was sentenced to fourteen years in Staja No. 84F among smelly perverts and hardened prestoopnicks. The shock sent my Dada beating his bruised and kroovy rookers against unfair Bog in his heaven. And my mom, boo hoo hooing in her mother's grief as her only child and son of her bosom like letting everybody down real horrorshow.

Guard: Morning. One up from Thames, mister.

Warder: One up from Thames, sir.

Chief Guard (shouts everything): Right. Open up, mister.

Warder: Yes, sir.

Guard: Good morning, sir. Here are the prisoner's committal forms.

Chief Guard: Thank you, mister. Name?

Alex: Alexander De Large.

Chief Guard: You are now in H.M. Prison Parkmoor and from this moment you will address all prison officers as sir. Name?

Alex: Alexander De Large, sir.

Chief Guard: Sentence?

Alex: Fourteen years, sir.

Chief Guard: Crime?

Alex: Murder, sir.

Chief Guard: Right. Take the cuffs off him, mister. You are now 655321 and it is your duty to memorize that number. Thank you mister, well done!

Guard: Thank you, chief!

Chief Guard: Let the officer out!

Warder: Yes, sir.

Chief Guard:
Right. Empty your pockets. Are you able to see the white line painted on the floor directly behind you, 655321???

Alex: Yes, sir.

Chief Guard: Then your toes belong on the other side of it!

Alex: Yes sir.

Chief Guard: Right. Carry on. Pick that up and put it down properly!

One half bar of chocolate. One bunch of keys on white metal ring. One packet of cigarettes. Two plastic ball pens - one black, one red. One pocket comb - back plastic. One address book - imitation red leather. One ten penny piece. One white metal wristlet watch, "Timeawrist" on a white metal expanding bracelet. Anything else in your pockets?

Alex: No, sir.

Chief Guard: Right. Sign here for your valuable property. The tobacco and chocolate you brought in, you lose that, as you are now convicted. Now over to the table and get undressed. Now then, were you in police custody this morning?

Alex: No, sir.

Check-In: One jacket - blue pinstriped.

Chief Guard: Prison custody?

Alex: Yes sir. On remand, sir.

Check-In: One necktie, blue.

Chief Guard: Religion?

Alex: C of E, sir.

Chief Guard: Do you mean the Church of England?

Alex: Yes sir, the Church of England, sir.

Chief Guard: Brown hair, isn't it.

Alex: Fair hair, sir.

Chief Guard: Blue eyes?

Alex: Blue, sir.

Chief Guard: Do you wear eyeglasses or contact lenses?

Alex: No, sir.

Check-In: One shirt - blue collar attached.

Chief Guard: Have you been receiving medical treatment for any serious illness?

Alex: No, sir.

Check-In: One pair of boots - black leather, zippered. Worn.

Chief Guard: Have you ever had any mental illness?

Alex: No, sir.

Chief Guard: Do you wear any false teeth or any false limbs?

Alex: No, sir.

Check-In: One pair of trousers - blue pinstripe.

Chief Guard: Have you ever had any attacks of fainting or dizziness?

Alex: No, sir.

Check-In: One pair of socks - black.

Chief Guard: Are you an epileptic?

Alex: No, sir.

Check-In: One pair of underpants - white, with blue waistband.

Chief Guard: Are you now, or have you ever been a homosexual?

Alex: No, sir.

Chief Guard: Right. The mothballs, mister.

Check-In: Mothballs, sir.

Chief Guard: Now then, face the wall. Bend over and touch your toes. Any venereal disease?

Alex: No, sir.

Chief Guard: Crabs?

Alex: No, sir.

Chief Guard: Lice?

Alex: No, sir.

Chief Guard: Over there for a bath.

Alex: Yes, sir.

Priest: What's it going to be then? Is it going to be in and out of institutions like this, though more in than out for most of you? Or are you going to attend to the divine word and realize the punishments that await unrepentant sinners in the next world as well as this? A lot of
idiots you are, selling your birthright for a saucer of cold porridge. The thrill of theft, of violence, the urge to live easy. Well, I ask you, what is it worth? When we have undeniable proof, yes, incontrovertible evidence that hell exists. I know, know, my friends. I have been
informed in visions that there is a place darker than any prison, hotter then any flame of human fire. Where souls of unrepentant criminal sinners like yourselves. (Burp followed by laughter) Don't you laugh, damn you, don't you laugh! I see souls like yourselves scream in endless and unendurable agony. Their skin rotting and peeling, a fireball spinning in their screaming guts. I know...oh yes, I know.

Chief Guard: I saw you 920537! I saw you!

Priest: Quiet. All right, you lot. We'll end by singing Hymn 258 in the prisoner's hymnal.

Chief Guard: Right, let's have a little reverence, you bastards.

Prisoners singing: I was a wandering sheep.

Chief Guard: Come on, sing up, damn you.

Prisoners singing: I did not love...

Chief Guard: Louder!

Prisoners singing: the fold. I did not love my shepherd's voice, I would not be controlled.

Chief Guard: Louder!

Prisoners singing I was a wayward child, I did not love my home. I did not love my father's voice, I loved afar to roam.

Alex (V.O): It had not been edifying indeed not, being in this hellhole and human zoo for two years now, being kicked and tolchoked by brutal warders and meeting leering criminals and perverts ready to dribble all over a luscious young malchick like your storyteller. It was my rabbit to help the prison Charlie with the Sunday service. He was a bolshy great burly bastard, but he was very fond of myself. Me being very young and now interested in the big book.

Alex in daydream: Move on there...Move along. Move along there.

Alex (V.O): I read all about the scourging and the crowning with thorns and I could viddy myself helping in and even taking charge of the tolchoking and the nailing in, being dressed in the height of Roman fashion. I didn't so much like the latter part of the book, which is like all preachy talking than fighting and the old in-out. I like the parts where these old yahoodies tolchock each other and then drink their Hebrew vino and getting onto the bed with their wife's handmaidens. That kept me going.

Priest: Seek not to be like evil men. Neither desire to be with them, because their minds studieth robberies and their lips speak deceits.

Alex: If thou lose hope being weary in the days of distress thy strength shall be diminished.

Priest: Fine, my son, fine, fine.

Alex: Father, I have tried, have I not?

Priest: You have, my son.

Alex: I have done my best, have I not?

Priest: Indeed.

Alex: I've never been guilty of any institutional infraction, have I, father?

Priest: You certainly have not, 655321. You've been very helpful, and you've show a genuine desire to reform.

Alex: Father, can I ask you a question in private?

Priest: Certainly, my son, certainly. Is there something troubling you, my son? Don't be shy to speak up. Remember, I know of the urges that can trouble young men deprived of the society of women.

Alex: No. father, it's nothing like that, father. It's about this new thing they're all talking about, father. About this new treatment that gets you out of prison in no time at all and makes sure you never get back in again.

Priest: Where did you hear about this? Who's been talking about these things?

Alex: These things get around, father. Two warders talk as it might be, and somebody can't help overhearing what they say. Then somebody picks up a scrap of newspaper in the workshops and the newspaper tells all about it. How 'bout putting me in for this new treatment, father?

Priest: I take it you are referring to the Ludovico technique?

Alex: I don't know what it's called, father. All I know is that it gets you out quickly, and makes sure that you never get back in again.

Priest: That is not proven, 655321. In fact, it is only in the experimental stage at this moment.

Alex: It is being used, isn't it father?

Priest: It has not been used in this prison, yet. The governor has grave doubts about it, and I have heard that there are very serious dangers involved.

Alex: I don't care about the dangers, father. I just want to be good. I want for the rest of my life to be one act of goodness.

Priest: The question is whether or not this technique really makes a man good. Goodness comes from within, goodness is chosen. When a man cannot chose, he ceases to be a man.

Alex: I don't understand about the whys and wherefores, father. I only know I want to be good.

Priest: Be patient, my son. Put your trust in the lord.

Alex: Instruct thy son and he shall refresh thee and shall give delight to thy soul.

Priest: Amen.

Chief Guard: Mister!

Guard: All present and correct, sir!

Governor: Very good, chief.

Chief Guard: Right. All present and correct, sir. Prisoners, halt! Now pay attention! I want you in two lines! Up against the wall facing this
way! Go on, move! Hurry up. Stop talking. Prisoners ready for inspection, sir.

Minister: How many to a cell?

Governor: Four in this block, sir.

Minister: Cram criminals together and what do you get - concentrated criminality, crime in the
midst of punishment.

Governor: I agree, sir. What we need are larger prisons, more money.

Minister: Not a chance, my dear fellow. The government can't be concerned any longer with outmoded penological theories. Soon we may be needing all of our prison space for political offenders. Common criminals like these are best dealt with on a purely curative basis. Kill the criminal reflex, that's all. Full implementation in a years time. Punishment means nothing to them, you can see that. They enjoy their so-called punishment.

Alex: You're absolutely right, sir.

Chief Guard: Shut your bleeding hole!!!

Minister: Who said that?

Alex: I did, sir.

Minister: What crime did you commit?

Alex: The accidental killing of a person, sir.

Chief Guard:
He brutally murdered a woman, sir, in furtherance of theft. Fourteen years...sir!

Minister: Excellent, he's enterprising, aggressive, outgoing, young, bold, viscous. He'll do.

Governor: Well, fine...We could still look at C-block.

Minister: No, no, no, that's enough. He's perfect. I want his records sent to me. This viscous
young hoodlum will be transformed out of all recognition.

Alex: Thank you very much for this chance, sir.

Minister: Let's hope you make the most of it, my boy.

Governor: Shall we go to my office?

Minister: Thank you.

Governor: Come in.

Chief Guard: Sir! 655321, sir!

Governor: Very good, chief.

Chief Guard: Forward to the white line, toes behind it. Full name and number to the governor.

Alex: Alexander De Large, sir. 655321, sir.

Governor: I don't suppose you know who that was this morning, do you? That was no less a personage than the Minister of Interior. The new Minister of the Interior and what they call a very new broom. Well, these new ridiculous ideas have come at last, and orders are orders, though I may say to you in confidence, I do not approve. An eye for an eye, I say. If someone hits you, you hit back, do you not? Why then, shouldn't the state, very severely hit by you brutal hooligans, not hit back also? The new view is to say no. The new view is that we turn the bad into good. All of which seems to me to be grossly unjust, eh?

Alex: Sir...

Chief Guard: Shut your filthy hole, you scum!!!

Governor: You are to be reformed. Tomorrow you will go to this man, Brodsky. You will be leaving here. You will be transferred to the Ludovico Medical facility. It is believed that you will be able to leave state custody in a little over a fortnight. I suppose that prospect pleases you?

Chief Guard: Answer when the Governor asks you a question.

Alex: Yes, sir. Thank you very much, sir. I've done my best here, I really have, sir. I'm very grateful to all concerned, sir.

Governor: Sign this, where it's marked.

Chief Guard: Don't read it, sign it!

Governor: It says that you are willing to have the residue of your sentence commuted to submission to the Ludovico treatment...And this...And another copy.

Alex (Narrating): The next morning, I was taken to the Ludovico Medical facility outside the town center, and I felt a malenky bit sad having to say good-bye to the old Staja, as you always will when you leave a place you've like gotten used to.

Chief Guard: Right, halt the prisoner. Good morning, sir. I am Chief Officer Barnes. I've got 655321 on a transfer from Parkmoor to the Ludovico Center, sir.

Doctor: Good morning. Yes, we've been expecting you. I'm Dr. Alcott.

Chief Guard: Doctor Alcott. Very good, sir. Are you prepared to accept the prisoner, sir?

Doctor: Yes, of course.

Chief Guard: Then I wonder if you'd mind signing these transfer documents, sir? There, sir...And there, sir...And there. Thank you, sir. Prisoner and escort, move forward! Halt! Excuse me, sir. Is that the officer that is to take charge of the prisoner, sir? If I may offer a word of advice, Doc. You'll have to watch this one. A right brutal bastard he has been and will be again, in spite of all his sucking up to the prison chaplain, and reading the bible.

Doctor: Oh, I think we can manage things. Charlie, will you show the young man to his room now?

Charlie: Right, sir. Come this way please.

Dr. Branom: Good morning, Charlie.

Charlie: Good morning, Doctor.

Dr. Branom: Good morning, Alex. My name is Doctor Branom. I'm Dr. Brodsky's assistant.

Alex: Good Morning, missus. Lovely day, isn't it?

Dr. Branom: Yes, indeed it is. May I take this? And how are you feeling this morning?

Alex: Fine, fine.

Dr. Branom: Good. Now in a few minutes you'll meet Dr. Brodsky and we'll begin your treatment. You're a very lucky boy to have been chosen.

Alex: I realize that, missus, and I'm very grateful to all concerned.

Dr. Branom: Were going to be friends then, aren't we, Alex?

Alex: I hope so, missus. What's the hypo for then? Gonna send me to sleep?

Dr. Branom: Oh no, nothing of the sort.

Alex: Vitamins, will it be then?

Dr. Branom: Something like that. You're a little undernourished, so after each meal we're going to give you a shot. Roll over on your right side, please. Loosen you pajama pants and pull them half way down.

Alex: What exactly is the treatment here going to be then?

Dr. Branom: Oh, it's quite simple really. We're just going to show you some films.

Alex: You mean like going to the pictures?

Dr. Branom: Something like that.

Alex: Well, that's good. I like to viddy the old films now and again. (Narrating) And viddy films, I would. Where I was taken to, brothers, was like no sinny I ever viddied before. I was bound up in a straight jacket and my gulliver was strapped to a headrest with like wires running away from it. Then they clamped like lidlocks on my eyes so that I could not shut them no matter how hard I tried. It seemed a bit crazy to me, but I let them get on with what they wanted to do. If I was to be a free young malchick again in a fortnight's time, I would
put up with much in the meantime, o my brothers. So far, the first film was a very good professional piece of sinny, like it was done in Hollywood. The sounds were real horrorshow. You could slooshy the screams and moans very realistic, and you could even get the heavy
breathing and panting of the tolchcoking malchicks at the same time. And then what do you know, soon our dear old friend the red, red vino on tap, the same in all places, like it's put out by the same big firm, began to flow. It was beautiful. It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen. Now all the time I was watching this, I was beginning to get very aware of like not feeling all that well, and this I put down to all the rich food and vitamins, but I tried to forget this, concentrating on the next film,
which jumped right away on a young devotchka who was being given the old in-out, in-out first by one malchick, then another, then another. When it came to the sixth or seventh malchick leering and smecking and then going into it, I began to feel really sick. But I could not shut my glazzies. And even if I tried to move my glazz-balls about, I still not get out of the line of fire of this picture.

Get me up! I want to be sick! Get something for me to be sick in! I want to be sick.

Dr. Brodsky: Very soon now, the drug will cause the subject to experience a death-like paralysis, together with deep feelings of terror and helplessness.

Alex: I can't stand it anymore.

Dr. Brodsky: One of our earlier test subjects described it as being like death, a sense of stifling or drowning, and it is during this period that we have found that the subject will make his most rewarding associations between his catastrophic experience - environment and the violence he sees.

Alex (Screaming): Leave me glazzies! Leave me glazzies!

Dr. Branom: Dr. Brodsky is pleased with you. You've made a positive response. Now tomorrow there will be two sessions, of course, morning and afternoon.

Alex: You mean I have to viddy two sessions in one day?

Dr. Branom: I imagine you'll be feeling a little limp by the end of the day, but we have to be hard on you. You have to be cured.

Alex: It was horrible.

Dr. Branom: Of course it was horrible. Violence is a very horrible thing. That's what you're learning now, your body's learning it.

Alex: I just don't understand about feeling sick the way I did. I never used to feel sick before. I used to feel like the very opposite. I mean, doing it or watching it, I used to feel real horrorshow.

Dr. Branom: You felt ill this afternoon because you're getting better. You see, when were healthy, we respond to the presence of the hateful with fear and nausea. You're becoming healthy, that's all. By this time tomorrow, you'll be healthier still.

Alex (V.O.): It was the next day, brothers, and I had truly done my best, morning and afternoon, to play it their way and sit, like a horrorshow co-operative malchick in the chair of torture, while they flashed nasty bits of ultra-violence on the screen. Though not on the soundtrack, my brothers. The only sound being music. Then I noticed in all my pain and sickness what music it was that like cracked and boomed - it was Ludwig Van - Ninth Symphony, fourth movement.

Stop it!!! Stop it!!! Please!!! I beg you!!! It's a's a's a sin!

Dr. Brodsky: Sin? What's all this about sin?

Alex: That!!! Using Ludwig Van like that! He did no harm to anyone. Beethoven just wrote music!

Dr. Branom: Are you referring to the background score?

Alex: Yes!!!

Dr. Branom: You've heard Beethoven before?

Alex: Yes!!!

Dr. Brodsky: So you're keen on music?

Alex: Yes!!!

Dr. Brodsky (to Dr. Branom): It can't be helped. Here's the punishment element, perhaps. The Governor ought to be pleased. I'm sorry, Alex, this is for your own good. You'll have to bear with us for a while.

Alex: But it's not fair! It's not fair I should feel ill when I hear lovely, lovely Ludwig Van.

Dr. Brodsky: You must take your chance, boy. The choice has been all yours.

Alex: You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all the ultra-violence and killing is wrong, wrong and terribly wrong. I've learned my lesson, sir. I see now what I've never seen before. I'm cured, praise God!!! 

Dr. Brodsky: Your not cured yet, boy.

Alex: But sirs, missus, I see that it's wrong. It's wrong because it's like against society. It's wrong because everybody has the right to live and be happy without being tolchoked and knifed.

Dr. Brodsky: No, no, boy. You really must leave it to us, but be cheerful about it. In less than a fortnight now, you will be a free man.

Minister: Ladies and Gentlemen, at this stage, we introduce the subject himself. He is, as you will perceive, fit and well nourished. He comes straight from as night's sleep and a good breakfast, undrugged, unhypnotized. Tomorrow, we send him out with confidence into the world again. As decent a lad as you would meet on a May morning. What a change is here, ladies and gentlemen. From the wretched hoodlum the state committed to unprofitable punishment some two years ago. Unchanged after two years. Unchanged, do I say? - Not quite. Prison taught him the false smile, the rubbed hand of hypocrisy, the fawning greased obsequious leer. Other vices it taught him, as well as confirming those he had long practiced before. Our party promised to restore law and order and to make the streets safe again for the ordinary peace loving citizen. This pledge is now about to become a reality. Ladies and gentlemen, today is an historic moment. The problem of criminal violence is soon to be a thing of the past. But enough of words. Actions speak louder than, action now. Observe all.

Junior Minister: Our necks are out a long way on this, Minister.

Minister: I have complete faith in Brodsky. If the polls are right, we have nothing to lose.

Lardface: Hello, heap of dirt. Pooh, you don't wash much do you, judging by the horrible smell?

Alex: Why do you say that, brother? I had a shower this morning.

Lardface: Oh, he had a shower this morning. You trying to call me a liar?

Alex: No, brother.

Lardface: Then you must think I'm awfully stupid.

Alex: Why did you do that brother? I've never done wrong to you.

Lardface: You want to know why I did that? Well, you see, I do this...and that...and this, cause I don't like your horrible type, do I. And if you want to start something. If you want to start...well, you just go ahead! Go on, please do, go on.

Alex: I'm gonna to be sick! I'm gonna to be sick!

Lardface: You're gonna be sick are you?

Alex: I'm going to be sick. Please let me get up.

Lardface: You want to get up? Now you listen to me. If you want to get up, you gotta to do something for me. Here. Here you see that? You see that shoe? Well I want you to lick it. Go on, lick it!! That's it! And again.

Alex (V.O): And, o my brothers, would you believe your faithful friend and long suffering narrator pushed out his red yahzick a mile-and-a-half to lick the grahzny, vonny boots. The horrible killing sickness had whooshed up, and turned the like joy of battle into a feeling I was going to snuff it.

Lardface: And again, nice and clean.

Minister: Thank you very much. That will do very well.

Lardface: Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Alex (V.O): She came towards me with the light like it was the like light of heavenly grace, and the first thing that flashed into me gulliver was that I'd like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage. But as quick as a shot came the sickness, like a detective that had been watching around the corner and now followed to make his arrest.

Minister (to woman): Enough, thank you very much. Thank you my dear. (to Alex) Not feeling too bad now, are you?

Alex: No, sir. Feel really great, sir.

Minister: Good.

Alex: Was it alright sir? Did I do well, sir?

Minister: Fine, my boy. Absolutely fine. You see ladies and gentlemen, our subject is impelled towards the good by paradoxically being impelled toward evil. The intention to act violently is accompanied by strong feelings of physical distress. To counter these, the subject has to switch to a diametrically opposed attitude. Any questions?

Priest: Choice! The boy has no real choice, has he? Self interest, the fear of physical pain drove him to that grotesque act of self abasement. It's insincerity was clearly to be seen. He ceases to be wrongdoer. He ceases also to be a creature capable of moral choice.

Minister: Padre, these are subtleties! We are not concerned with motives, with the higher ethics. We are concerned only with cutting down crime And with relieving the ghastly congestion in our prisons. He will be your true Christian, ready to turn the other cheek, ready to be crucified, rather than crucify. Sick to the very heart at the thought even of killing a fly. Reclamation, joy before the angels of God. The point is that it works!

Alex (V.O): And the very next day, your friend and humble narrator was a free man.

Pee: Son!

Alex: Hi, hi, hi there my pee and em.

Em: Alex!

Alex: Mum. How are you, love? Nice to see!

Pee: Hullo, lad. What a surprise, good to see you!

Alex: Keepin' fit?

Pee: Oh, aye.

Alex: How are you then, how are you?

Pee: Oh, fine, fine. Keeping out of trouble, you know.

Alex: Well, I'm back!

Pee: Aye...good to see you back.

Em: Why didn't you let us know what was happening, son?

Alex: Sorry, em. I wanted it to be like a big surprise for you and pee.

Pee: It's a surprise all right...a bit bewildering too.

Em: We've only just read about it in morning papers.

Pee: Aye, you should have let us know, lad. Not that we're not very pleased to see you again and all cured too, eh?

Alex: That's right, dad. They did a great job on me. I'm completely reformed. Well, still the same old place then, eh?

Pee: Oh, aye, aye, aye.

Alex (fake whisper): Hey, dad, there's a strange fella sitting on the sofa munchy wunching lomticks of toast.

Pee: That's Joe. He...he lives here now, the lodger. That's what he is. He rents your room.

Alex: How do you do, Joe? Find the room comfortable do you? No complaints?

Joe: I've heard about you. I know what you've done. Breaking the hearts of your poor grieving parents. So your back, eh? You're back to make life a misery for your lovely parents once more, is that it? Well, over my dead corpse you will because, you see, they've let me be more like a son to them, then like a lodger.

Em: Joe! Joe! Don't go fighting here boys.

Joe: Well do put your hand over your mouth please, it's bloody revolting.

Pee: Are you all right, lad?

Em:'s the treatment.

Joe: Well, it's disgusting. I mean, it's enough to put you off your food.

Em: Oh, leave him be, Joe, it's the treatment.

Pee: Do you think we ought to do something?

Em: Would you like me to make you a nice cup of tea, son?

Alex: What have you done with all me own personal things?

Pee: Oh, well, that was all took away, son, by the police. New regulations, see, about compensation for the victims.

Alex: What about Basil? Where's my snake?

Pee: Well, he met with like an accident. He...he passed away.

Alex: What's going to happen to me then? I mean, that's my room he's in, there's no denying that. This is my home, also, what suggestions have you, my pee and em to make?

Pee: Well, all this needs thinking about, son. Uh...we can't very well just kick Joe out, not just like that, can we? I mean, Joe's here doing a job, a contract it is, two years...and we made like an arrangement, didn't we Joe? You see son, Joe's paid next month's rent already
so...well, whatever we may do in the future, we cant just say to Joe to get out, now can we?

Joe: No, but there's much more than that, though. I mean I've got you two to think of. You've been like a father and mother to me. Well, it wouldn't be fair now or right, I mean for me to go off and leave you two to the tender mercies of this young monster, who's been like no real son at all. Look, he's weeping now, but that's all his craft and artfulness. Let him go and find a room somewhere else. Let him learn the errors of his way, and that a bad boy like he's been doesn't deserve such a good mum and dad as he's had.

Alex: Alright, I know how things are now. I've suffered and I've suffered and I've suffered. And everybody wants me to go on suffering.

Joe: You've made others suffer. It's only right that you should suffer proper. You know I've been told everything you've done, sitting here at night round the family table, and pretty shocking it was to listen to. It made me real sick, a lot of it did. Now, look what you've gone and
done to your mother. All right...come on, it's all right...ok...I know...all right.

Alex: Right, I'm leaving now. You won't ever viddy me no more. I'll make me own way. Thank you very much. Let it lie, heavy on your consciences.

Pee: Now, don't take it like that, son. I...

Tramp: Can you spare some cutter, me brother? Can you spare some cutter, me brother? Can you spare some cutter, me brother? Thanks, brother. Jamey Mack! Be the hokey fly! Holy Mother of God and all the blessed saints in heaven preserve us!! I never forget a face, by god. I never forget any face.

Alex: Leave me alone, brother. I've never seen you before.

Tramp: This is the poisonous young swine that near done me in. Him and his friends, they beat me and kicked me and punched me. Stop him...stop him. They laughed at me blood and me moans. This murderous young pig...

Tramps: Young hooligan...vagabond...kill him...villain.

Alex (V.O): Then there was like a sea of dirty, smelly old men, trying to get at your humble narrator, with their feeble rookers and horny old claws. It was old age having a go at youth, and I daren't do a single solitary thing, o my brothers. It being better to be hit at like that than want to sick and feel that horrible pain.

Policeman: All right, all right. Stop it now. Come on, stop breaking the state's peace, you naughty boys. Back away...alright! Away with you. What's your trouble, sir?

Alex: Oh, no!

Dim: Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. If it isn't little Alex. Long time no viddy, droog. How goes?

Alex: It's impossible, I don't believe it.

Georgie: Evidence of the old glazzies. Nothing up our sleeves. No magic, little Alex. A job for two who are now of job age, the police.

Dim: Come on, Alex. Come for walkies.

Alex: Come, come, come, my little droogies, I just don't get this at all, the old days are dead and gone. For what I did in the past, I've been punished.

Dim: Punished, eh?

Alex: I've been cured.

Dim: Cured, yes. That was read to us. The inspector read it all out to us. He said it was a very good way.

Alex: But what is all this? It was them that went for me, brothers. You're not on their side, and can't be. You can't be, Dim. It was someone we fillied with back in the old days, trying to get his own little bit of revenge after all this time. Remember, Dim?

Dim: Long time is right. I don't remember them days too horrorshow. Don't call me Dim, no more, either. Officer, call me.

Georgie: Enough is remembered, though, little Alex.

Dim: This is to make sure you stay cured.

Georgie: That's enough, droogie...

Dim: A bit more, maybe, he's still kicking. Cured, are you? Are you cured? Be viddying you some more, sometime, droogie.

Alex (V.O): Where was I to go, who had no home and no money? I cried for myself. Home, home, home. It was home I was wanting and it was home I came to, brothers, not realizing in the state I was in, where I was and had been before.

Mr. Alexander: Who on earth could that be?

Julian: I'll see who it is. Yes, what is it?


Julian: Frank, I think this young man needs some help.

Mr. Alexander: My God! What's happened to you my boy?

Alex (V.O): And would you believe it, o my brothers and only friends. There was your faithful narrator being held helpless, like a babe in arms, and suddenly realizing where he was and why HOME on the gate had looked so familiar, but I knew I was safe. I knew he would not remember me. For in those care-free days, I and my so-called droogies wore our maskies, which were like real horrorshow disguises.
Police...ghastly horrible police...they beat me up, sir. The police beat me up, sir.

Mr. Alexander: I know you!!! Isn't it your picture in the newspapers? Didn't I see you on the video this morning? Are you not the poor victim of this horrible new technique?

Alex: Yes, sir! That's exactly who I am and what I am, sir. A victim, sir!

Mr. Alexander: Then, by God, you've been sent here by providence! Tortured in prison, then thrown out to be tortured by the police. My heart goes out to you, poor, poor boy. Oh, you are not the first to come here in distress. The police are fond of bringing their victims to the outskirts of this village. But it is providential that you, who are also another kind of victim should come here. Oh, but you're cold and shivering. Julian, draw a bath for this young man.

Julian: Certainly, frank.

Alex: Thank you very much, sir. God bless you, sir.

Mr. Alexander: He can be the most potent weapon imaginable to ensure that the government is not returned in the forthcoming election. The government's big boast as you know, sir, is the way they have dealt with crime during the past few months. Recruiting brutal young roughs into the police, proposing debilitating and will-sapping techniques of conditioning. Oh, we've seen it all before in other countries, the thin end of the wedge. Before we know where we are we shall have the full apparatus of totalitarianism. This young boy is a living witness to these diabolical proposals. The people - the common people - must know...must see. There are rare traditions of liberty to defend. The tradition of liberty is all. Oh, yes, the common people will let it go. They will sell liberty for a quieter life - that is why they must be led, driven, pushed!!! Fine...thank you very much. He'll be here.

Alex: I'm singin' in the rain, Just singin' in the rain
What a glorious feeling, I'm hap...hap...happy again
I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above.
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love.
Let the stormy clouds chase, everyone from the place
Come on with the rain, I've a smile on my face.
I'll walk down the lane, with a happy refrain,
And I'm singin', just singin' in the rain.

Good evening, sir.

Mr. Alexander (shaken): Good evening.

Alex: It was very kind of you, sir, to leave this out for me sir. There was no one around when I finished me bath so I started. I hope that's all right, sir?

Mr. Alexander: Of course. Food all right???

Alex: Great, sir, great.

Mr. Alexander: TRY the wine!!!

Alex: Thank you, sir. Cheers, happy day, sir. Won't you...join me?

Mr. Alexander: NO, my health doesn't allow it.

Alex: And you sir?

Julian: No, thank you.

Alex: 1960, Chateau, Saint Estephe, Medoc. Very good brand, sir. Very good color, sir. Smells nice, too. Very nice little number, sir. Well, here's to it. Very refreshing, sir. Very refreshing.

Mr. Alexander: I'm pleased you appreciate good wine. Have another glass.

Alex: Thank you, sir.

Mr. Alexander: My wife...used to do everything for me, and leave me to my writing.

Alex: Your wife, sir. Is she away?

Writer: NO, she's DEAD.

Alex: I'm sorry to hear about that, sir.

Mr. Alexander: She was very badly raped, you see. We were assaulted by a gang of viscous young hoodlums in this house, in this very room you are sitting in now. I was left a helpless cripple, but for her the agony was too great. The doctors said it was pneumonia because it happened some months later during a flu epidemic. The doctors told me it was pneumonia but I knew what it was. A victim of the modern age - poor, poor girl. And now you, another victim of the modern age, but you can be helped. I phoned some friends while you were having your bath.

Alex: Some friends, sir?

Mr. Alexander: Yes, they want to help you.

Alex: Help me, sir?

Mr. Alexander: Help you.

Alex: Who are they, sir?

Mr. Alexander: They're very, very important people, and they're interested in you. Julian, this will be these people now.

Alex: I don't think I want to trouble you any further, sir. I think I should be leaving.

Mr. Alexander: No, no, no my boy, no trouble at all. Here, let me fill your glass.

Dolin: Hullo, Frank.

Mr. Alexander: Good evening, sir.

Rubenstein: Oh, Frank.

Dolin: So this is the young man?

Alex: How do you do, sir?

Dolan: Hullo.

Alex: Missus. Very pleased to meet you.

Rubenstein: Hello.

Dolan: I hope you'll forgive us for coming over at this ungodly hour, but we heard from Frank that you were in some trouble, and so we came over to see if we could be of any help.

Alex: Very kind of you, sir. Thank you very much.

Dolin: I understand you had a rather unfortunate encounter with the police tonight.

Alex: Yes, sir, I suppose you could call it that, sir.

Dolin How are you feeling now?

Alex: Much better, thank you, sir.

Dolin Feel like talking to us, answer a few questions?

Alex: Fine, sir, fine.

Dolin Well, as I've said, we've heard about you. We are interested in your case. We want to help you.

Alex: Thank you very much, sir.

Dolin: Well, shall we get down to it?

Alex: Fine, fine, sir.

Rubenstein: The newspapers mentioned that, in addition to your being conditioned against acts of sex and violence, you've inadvertently been conditioned against music.

Alex: Well, I think that was something that they didn't plan for. You see, missus, I'm very fond of music. Especially Beethoven...Ludwig Van...Beethoven...B...E...

Rubenstein: It's all right, thank you.

Alex: And it just so happened that while they were showing me a particularly bad film of, like, a concentration camp, the background music was playing Beethoven.

Rubenstein: So now you have the same reaction to music as you do to sex and violence?

Alex: No, missus. You see, it's not all music, it's just the ninth.

Rubenstein:  You mean, Beethoven's Ninth Symphony?

Alex: That's right. I can't listen to the ninth anymore at all. When I hear the ninth, I get like this funny feeling and then...all I can think about is like trying to snuff it.

Rubenstein: I beg your pardon?

Alex: Snuff it,, I mean, misses. I just want to die peacefully, like, with no pain.

Dolin: Do you feel that way now?

Alex: Oh no, sir, not exactly. I still feel very miserable, very much down in spirits.

Rubenstein: Do you still feel suicidal?

Alex: Well, put it this way, I feel very low in me self. I can't see much in the future, and I feel that any second something terrible is going to happen to me.

Dolin: Well done, Frank. Julian, get the car, would you please?

Alex (V.O): I woke up...the pain and sickness all over me like an animal. Then I realized what it was. The music coming up from the floor was our old friend, Ludwig Van, and the dreaded ninth symphony.

Let me out!! Open the door! Come on! Open the door! Turn it off!!! Turn it off!!! Turn it off!!! Turn it off!!! Turn it off!!! Stop it.! Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!!! Please!!! Turn it off!!!

(V.O) Suddenly, I viddied what I had to do, and what I had wanted to do, and that was to do myself in; to snuff it, to blast off forever out of this wicked cruel world. One moment of pain perhaps and then sleep forever and ever. I jumped, o my brothers, and I fell hard, but I did not snuff it. If I had snuffed it, I would not be here to tell what I have told. I came back to life, after a long black, black gap of
what might have been a million years.

Nurse: Oh, he's recovered consciousness, doctor.

Pee: Hullo, lad.

Em: Hullo, son. How are you?

Pee: Are you feeling better?

Alex: What gives, o my pee and em? What makes you think you are welcome?

Pee: There, there, mother, it's all right. He doesn't mean it. You were in the papers again, son it said they had done great wrong to you. It said how the government drove you to try and do yourself in, and when you think about it son, maybe it was our fault too, in a way. Your home is your home when all's said and done, son.

Dr. Taylor: Good morning.

Officer: Good morning, Doctor.

Dr. Taylor: Good morning.

Alex: Good morning, missus.

Dr. Taylor: How are you feeling today?

Alex: Fine, fine.

Dr. Taylor: Good, May I? I'm Dr. Taylor.

Alex: Haven't seen you before.

Dr. Taylor: I'm your psychiatrist.

Alex: Psychiatrist? Do I need one?

Dr. Taylor: Just part of hospital routine.

Alex: What are we going to do, talk about me sex life?

Dr. Taylor: Oh, no. I'm going to show you some slides and you are going to tell me what you think about them. Alright?

Alex: Oh, jolly good. Do you know anything about dreams?

Dr. Taylor: Something, yes.

Alex: Do you know what they mean?

Dr. Taylor: Perhaps. Are you concerned about something?

Alex: No, no, not concerned really, but I've been having this very nasty dream, very nasty. It's like, well, when I was all smashed up, you know, and half awake and unconscious like, I kept having this dream. Well, like all these doctors were playing around with my gulliver, you know, like the inside of my brain. I seemed to have this dream over and over again. Do you think it means anything?

Dr. Taylor: Patients who've sustained the kind of injuries you have often have dreams of this sort. It's all part of the recovery process.

Alex: Oh.

Dr. Taylor: Now then, each of these slides needs a reply from one of the people in the picture. You'll tell me what you think the person would say. Alright?

Alex: Righty, right.

Dr. Taylor: Isn't the plumage beautiful?

Alex: I just say what the other person would say?

Dr. Taylor: Yes.

Alex: Yes. Isn't the plumage beautiful...

Dr. Taylor: Oh, yes, well don't think about it too long. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.

Alex:'s not got a beak.

Dr. Taylor: Good. The boy you always quarrel with is seriously ill.

Alex: My mind is a blank. Uhhhh, the boy...and I'll smash your face for you, yarblockos.

Dr. Taylor: Good. What do you want?

Alex: No time for the old in-out, love. I've just come to read the meter.

Dr. Taylor: Good. You sold me a crummy watch, I want my money back.

Alex: Do you know what you can do with that watch? Stick it up your ass!

Dr. Taylor: Good. You can do whatever you like with these.

Alex: Eggiwegs...I would like to smash 'em, and pick 'em all up and throw...owww!! Fucking hell!

Dr. Taylor: Well, there, that's all there is to it. Are you alright?

Alex: Hope so. Is that the end, then?

Dr. Taylor: Yes.

Alex: Oh, I was quite enjoying that.

Dr. Taylor: Good, I'm glad.

Alex: How many did I get right?

Dr. Taylor: Oh, it's not that kind of a test but you seem all on your way to making a complete recovery.

Alex: When do I get out of here then?

Dr. Taylor: Oh, I'm sure it won't be long now.

Alex (V.O): So I waited and, o my brothers, I got a lot better, munching away at eggiwegs and lomticks of toast and lovely steakiwakes. And then, one day, they said I was going to have a very special visitor.

Doctor: Just wait outside for a moment, would you, officer?

Officer: Yes, sir.

Minister: I'm afraid my change of schedule has rather thrown you. I seem to have arrived when the patients are in the middle of supper.

Doctor: It's quite alright, Minister. No trouble at all.

Minister: Good evening, my boy.

Alex: Hi, hi, hi there, my little droogies.

Doctor: Well, how're you getting on today, young man?

Alex: Great, sir. Just great.

Doctor: Can I do anything more for you , Minister?

Minister: I don't think so, sir. Leslie, thank you very much.

Dr. Taylor: Then I leave you to it. Nurse.

Minister: Well, you seem to have a whole ward to yourself, my boy.

Alex: Yes, sir, and a very lonely place it is too, sir. When I wake up in the middle of the night with me pain.

Minister: Yes...well, anyway, good to see you on the mend. I've kept in constant touch with the hospital, of course, and now I've come down to see you personally, to see how you're getting along.

Alex: I've suffered the tortures of the damned, sir...tortures of the damned.

Minister: Yes, I can appreciate that you have had and extremely...Oh...look, let me help you with that, shall I?

Alex: Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Minister: I can tell you with all sincerity that I, and the government which I am a member, are deeply sorry about this. We tried to help you. We followed recommendations which were made to us that turned out to be wrong. An enquiry will place the responsibility where it belongs. We want you to regard us as friends. We put you right, you are getting the best of treatment. We never wished you harm, but there are some who did, and do, and I think you know who those are. There are certain people who wanted to use you for political ends. They would have be glad to have you dead, for they thought they could then blame it all on the government. There is also a certain man, a writer of subversive literature, who has been howling for your blood. He has been mad with desire to stick a knife in you, but you are safe from him now. We put him away. He found out that you had done wrong to him. At least he believed you had done wrong. He formed this idea in his head that you had been responsible for the death of someone near and dear to him. He was a menace. We put him away for his own protection, and also for yours.

Alex: Where is he now, sir?

Minister: We put him away where he can do you no harm. You see, we are looking after your interests. We are interested in you and when you leave here you will have no worries. We shall see to everything. A good job on a good salary.

Alex: What job and how much?

Minister: You must have an interesting job at a salary which you would regard as adequate, not only for the job your going to do, and in compensation for what you believe you have suffered, but also because you are helping us.

Alex: Helping you, sir?

Minister: We always help our friends, don't we? It is no secret that this government has lost a lot of popularity because of you, my boy. There are some that think that at the next election we shall be out. The press has chosen to take a very unfavorable view of what we tried to do, but public opinion has a way of changing, and you, Alex, if I may call you Alex?

Alex: Certainly, sir. What do they call you at home?

Minister: My name is Frederick. As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public's verdict. So you understand, Alex? Do I make myself clear?

Alex: As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest Summer. You can rely on me, Fred.

Minister: Good, good, boy. Oh, yes, I understand you're fond of music. I have arranged a little surprise for you.

Alex: Surprise?

Minister: One that I think you will shall we out a symbol of our new understanding. An understanding between two friends.

Alex (V.O.): I was cured all right.

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